What To Do When Your Girlfriend Wants to be "Just Friends"

You want to still date her... but she'd rather be friends. Find out how to handle it when your girlfriend starts pushing you into the friend zone, and what you can do to make her see you as a boyfriend again.


You're in love, you're dating, and suddenly from out of nowhere your girlfriend seems distant and detached. You ask what's wrong, and you get the cold shoulder. A day or two later, she sits you down for the most dreaded speech in all of dating: "I think we'd be better off as friends".

If this is where you're at right now, you're in a pretty bad place. Your girlfriend hasn't just broken up with you, she's actually gone and demoted you to a position of friendship.

Here you sit, powerless and alone, unable to move toward getting her back yet afraid to break contact completely for fear of losing her for good. So what should you do?

Well for starters, you need to understand something pretty important:

Your Girlfriend Doesn't Really Want To Be Friends With You

First things first: your now ex-girlfriend isn't looking to add you to her long list of friends. The phrase "let's be friends" is a euphemism for "I'm breaking up with you", and she might just be trying to let you down easy (or let herself off the hook with as little drama as possible).

At the same time however, your girlfriend's offer of a post-breakup friendship means a little bit more. She could've just as easily broken things off completely and totally, which would preclude any friendship or future contact. Instead, she threw the friend hook in there for a more specific reason: it gives her the option to stay in touch with you, just in case she wants you back.

Now does this necessarily mean your girlfriend might still want to date you? Not right now, anyway. At the moment she's hedging her bets... your ex plans on seeing what else is out there and available while still keeping you just within arm's reach, settled neatly and securely (and most of all comfortably) into the role of being friends with her ex boyfriend.

What It Means When She Tells You She's "Not Sure What She Wants"

In other cases, your girlfriend will be vague about the breakup. She'll tell you she feels trapped, smothered, or otherwise closed in... she'll ask for space, she'll ask for a break, or she'll say she 'needs time to think things through'.

If this is your situation, it's an even bigger sign that your ex still has feelings for you. This is her way of leaving you in relationship limbo, where she expects you to stick around until she either finds someone else (and dumps you) or she decides that she misses you and wants you back.

The problem here, is that most guys do exactly what their girlfriend wants. They're too afraid to break away and do their own thing, so they end up sticking around and hoping things just magically work out. This is the weakest possible position you can be in, and it's like giving your ex a license to go out and see if she can find someone better. Sitting back and waiting for your girlfriend to come back from a break is the absolute worst move you can make.

How To Get Your Girlfriend Back - From Friendship to Romance

When your girlfriend suggests being friends or staying in touch, the best thing you can do is say NO. This is a lot easier than you might think, especially once you realize that refusing such a pseudo-friendship is the fastest way to get your girlfriend back.

In short, tell your ex that you love her too much to enter a pretend friendship. Let her know where you stand, and that if she doesn't feel the same way it's time for you both to move on. Then walk away... and don't look back. Don't call, email, text-message, or write on her Facebook wall - breaking contact completely is the only way to make your ex miss you, need you, and start thinking that maybe ending your relationship was a mistake.

Now if you've already agreed to such a friendship, there are certain reversal methods and techniques you can use to transition back to being her boyfriend again. These must be implemented pretty quickly however, because the longer you stay friendly with your ex, the more she'll see you as a friend... and not as a potential boyfriend again.

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