Getting Back Together Step 4: Making Your Ex Want You Back
By now you should realize that it doesn't matter how much you want your ex back. They could be the most important person to you in the whole world; the sum total of your whole existence, and none of this would mean anything when it came to whether or not you get back together again.
The only thing that really matters is getting your ex to WANT you back. Because until you can accomplish that one little thing, you'll never be able to reverse your breakup.
In short, your ex must come to you. You can't prove yourself to your ex, or use logic to prove that the relationship should somehow continue.
Instead, you need to stir up your ex's original feelings for you. You need to make your ex girlfriend or boyfriend feel that magical, electrical energy they felt when they first fell in love with you. Do this, and they'll want you back so badly they'll nearly break the door down to get you back before they lose you.
The problem however, is that most people trying to get back with an ex will concentrate on the wrong things. Instead of stopping to think about what their ex really wants, they're too fixated on their own single-minded goal of reversing the breakup. These people are too busy working on speeches, love-letters, hand-written notes, and heartfelt cards that are all completely unwanted by the person who broke up with them.
In summary: you'll never get your ex back until they WANT you back. That's the one common thread that runs through every breakup, in every country, all across the world.
So the question then becomes: how can I make my ex want me again? What can I do to make myself desirable to my ex boyfriend or girlfriend, and make them see me like they did before?
Adjustments You Need To Make While Broken Up With Your Ex
Your boyfriend or girlfriend isn't going to just "take" you back... not without some kind of adjustment. Because they dumped you once, it only stands to reason they'll dump you again if you haven't changed anything to make the situation different than it was before. Your ex wants to know that if they do change their mind about dating you again, things will be better this time around.
Does this mean you need to radically 'change yourself' in order to get your ex back? Not even a little bit. Your ex fell in love with you for the person you are, not the person they can make, mold, or shape you into. And even if they could change you into their version of the perfect man or woman? They would no longer respect you, because you became a malliable piece of putty in their willing hands.
That said, there are things you can do to make yourself as attractive as you were before. And not just physically attractive, but mentally and emotionally attractive as well.
Think of it as bringing yourself back to the place you were at when you first started dating your boyfriend or girlfriend. How did you look? What did you act like? How was your overall attitude toward your partner, and why did they fall so hard for you?
When you can identify the traits that made your ex want you in the first place, you can use those same traits to get them back. There are some great tips and tricks to making your ex feel the exact same way they did during the honeymoon phase of your relationship.
Remember, you're not changing the person you are. Instead, you're adjusting your behaviors and attitudes back to the way they were when you made your boyfriend or girlfriend first fall in love with you.
All too often we fall out of the pattern of trying to impress someone, especially if we've dated them for a while. You might be a lot different now than you were when you first met your partner; bringing yourself back again can cause them to immediately notice the positive changes.
Below is a list of adjustments you should immediately be making if you want to win your girlfriend or boyfriend back. By putting these areas back to the way they were when you and your partner first met, you can re-create the beginnings of your relationship, drawing your ex back to you again.
Be Confident: Few things will draw someone's positive attention faster than confidence. For women, a confident guy represents someone who's not afraid to take charge, be himself, and make no apologies for who he is. For men, a confident woman demonstrates an independence that many girls just don't have. The more confident you can remain after your breakup, the more your ex will notice you.
Be Charismatic: Charisma sells. It draws people to you, and creates a magnetic atmosphere wherever you go. Charismatic people are more fun, exciting, and spontaneous. People in general want to be around them. It's a great trait to have, male or female.
Be Optimistic: No one likes a 'glass half-empty' type of attitude, especially your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. The more upbeat and positive you are about your situation, the better off your situation will be. Men and women are very drawn to people who are optimistic, as being around someone who's always in this frame of mind can make them feel better about themselves.
Be Strong: All women want a strong man, both physically and emotionally. This means they'll be protected, and that they'll be able to lean on their man for support in times of crisis. Likewise, men find strong women attractive as well. They'll be generally less reliant on their man for their own happiness, which in turn takes a lot of unnecessary pressure off the relationship.
Be Independent: Neediness and desperation are relationship-killers. If your boyfriend or girlfriend ever called you needy or clingy, it's time to step back and work on being more independent. And after the breakup? When your ex looks back to see how you're doing you want them to see someone who can take care of themselves, regardless of what happened to split you up. Independence is a key part of getting your ex to want you back.
By Active: Are you sitting around the house, upset and miserable, waiting for your ex to call you? This isn't the way to get them back. You need to get outside, doing the things you like with the people you love most. Be as active as possible after the breakup. This shows your ex that you're largely unaffected by being dumped, and it adds value to yourself in their eyes.
By Genuinely Happy: Remember how miserable the end of your relationship was? Odds are good that neither of you was very happy when you broke up. But the beginning of your relationship? That was filled with fun, laughter, joking around, and not taking every little thing so seriously. Get back to that happiness, as a person, and your ex will notice it. They'll once again be drawn to your smile, the way they were in the beginning.
These are only some of the many things you could be doing during the no-contact portion of the breakup to both improve yourself and improve your breakup situation. The more of these traits your ex sees in you, the more they'll be reminded of exactly what they're letting go.
Physical Changes That Will Help Get Your Ex Back
Let's face it, physical attraction is a big part of any good relationship. When you first met your ex there had to be some pretty intense physical sparks between you, or you wouldn't have dated each other in the first place.
Between then and now, you got used to each other. Maybe you didn't work as hard to look good for your partner after dating a while, and vice versa. This is natural and it's also normal. It's what happens as you get comfortable together, as a couple.
To get back with your ex however, you'll need every possible advantage. This means looking and feeling your absolute best; from hitting the gym and lifting weights to running, tanning, toning up, and even buying a few new outfits that make you look good.
Remember, your ex will see you again one day. It's an inevitability. And when he or she does run into you, you'll want them to do a complete double-take. You'll want your ex to bite their lip and wonder why in the world they ever let you go to begin with, because at the moment you look better than ever.
Physical appearance is only one part of the overall package, but it's definitely important. In trying to win back your ex boyfriend or girlfriend you're esentially trying to date them all over again.
Even better, physically improving yourself will help with everything else. Mentally, you'll think clearer. Confidence-wise, you'll feel stronger. Exercise will straighten you out in ways that are all for the positive, especially by helping you think about things other than your ex.
Other Changes You Can Make To Help Win Back Your Ex
For a complete laundry list of positive modifications that will help get your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back, check out T.W. Jackson's best-selling breakup guide: The Magic of Making Up.
This instantly-downloadable resource is a step by step playbook to winning back your ex lover's heart, mind, and soul. Jackson shows you every single facet of the breakup reversal process, from how to get your ex to chase you to how to get back in touch with your boyfriend or girlfriend by making that first contact.
Learn the best ways to approach your ex, in such a way that they won't go running in the opposite direction. T.W. also teaches a long list of reversal techniques - which you can start using immediately - that will change the way your ex-lover currently sees or feels about you.
Even if you've made mistakes in the past, The Magic of Making Up shows you how to undo them. Check it out, watch the free videos, and start moving in the right directions instead of the wrong ones.
Your next move is important! Step 5: Making Contact With Your Ex After The Breakup
