Facebooking After The Breakup - The Good and the Bad
Facebook is a great tool. It's a handy way to stay in touch with friends, family, and most importantly, loved ones. Yet at the same time, Facebook can be a heated point of contention when it comes to relationships, both past and present.
Thousands upon thousands of break ups have been caused by Facebook, as over-connected couples share and pry into every tiny little aspect of each other's daily lives.
By the same token, can Facebook also cause make-ups? Sure. It can, and it has.
Social networking sites like MySpace, Facebook, and even Linkedin have brought millions of people together. They're reunited old friends, lost family members, and yes, even past lovers who've been looking to recapture some of the nostalgia and magic of past relationships.
But now that you and your ex have broken up, what happens to your Facebook connection?
Do you simply 'un-friend' your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, so you're no longer tempted to see what's happening in their life? Or do you break that connection for another reason: so they can't see what you happen to be doing since they broke up with you?
Given the choice, most people will de-friend their ex after a breakup... but this is usually done out of spite. Getting dumped hurts, and it's not uncommon to want to strike back at the person who cut you loose. Removing your ex from your friends list seems like you're sending them a message: "I'm done with you as well, and I don't care what you do anymore."
The problem however, is that's not how you'll come off. In fact, it's just the opposite.
Jumping The Gun: De-Friending Your Ex on Facebook
The sooner you de-friend your ex after he or she breaks up with you, the more reactionary (and wounded) you appear to be. Your relationship just ended unwantingly, and the first thing you can think of is to log onto a computer and remove this person from your 'friends' list?
Such a reaction doesn't just seem vindictive... it also seems needy and desperate. Your ex is more likely to laugh at being unfriended, rather than suffer for not being able to see what books you're ready, which friends you're hanging out with, or what you had for dinner the night before.
Truth be told, unfriending your ex is a bad move. It smacks of a very lame vengence; a counter-rejection technique that falls absolutely flat.
And even worse? By taking your ex off your friends list, you've just disabled a very valuable tool. This is a tool you can use to get your ex back... a tool you can utilize to make them jealous, twist their thought process, and get them to need you back much quicker than you thought possible.
Learning these Facebook moves will help not only get your ex to want you again, but actually cause them to regret breaking up with you in the first place. This process is also known as "Facebook Jiu-Jitsu", and is becoming more and more popular because it works so quickly.
Staying Facebook Friends With Your Ex After the Breakup
Want an even better move after your ex breaks up with you? One that not only showcases your independence and total non-reliance, but also sends your ex the message you're not hurting half as bad as they think you are?
DON'T de-friend your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Don't take the time to bother removing them from your Facebook friends list. That's step one.
Step two? Don't even log on to Facebook or MySpace or any other social network for a few days, or even up to a week.
As your ex begins looking back over their shoulder to check up on you, they'll inevitably check your Facebook page for information as to what (and how) you're doing. And when they don't find a single addition or modification, and it says you haven't even logged on for a while? Your ex will immediately realize just how unimportant the whole social networking thing really is for you.
There's no reason to rush home and change your Facebook status to single. This isn't wounding anyone's pride; in fact, your ex will get a pretty good chuckle. But NOT changing your Facebook page at all? That's cause for some questions, as far as your ex is concerned.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend will suddenly want to know where you are, and what you've been doing to pass the time. Since you're not logging on to your social networking accounts, it's like you've got more important stuff to do. Your ex also may have been putting things on their personal Facebook page to get a reaction out of you, or even to manipulate your own behaviors. This fails miserably once they realize that not only don't you give a shit what they're doing, but you haven't even logged on.
In short, the less you care the more your ex cares. The less your Facebook or MySpace page is important to you, the more your ex will need to know why.
• You're not spying on your ex, so you're not 'hung up' over the breakup.
• You're not changing your Facebook status, so you're not playing the "I'm available" game.
• You're not checking up on your ex's Facebook activities, so you're not obsessing over them.
• You haven't even logged on, so you must be doing other things with other people.
There are lots of other things to make your ex want you back, starting with these first moves. But one of the things you don't want to do is show weakness, reliance, or convey the message that you simply can't live without your ex. This always extends your breakup much longer than it needs to be, or even worse, causes the breakup to become permanent.
In The Meantime... Things You Can Do To Get Your Ex Interested Again
Okay, so you've pulled the plug on Facebook. Your next step in getting back with your ex is simple: you paint a very vivid and detailed portrait of your incredibly awesome new single life.
And how do you do that? By documenting the things you do. By going out with friends and having the best possible time of your life. By hitting new places - places you've never gone with your ex girlfriend or boyfriend - and by taking photos of you smiling your ass off at these places.
Going one step further; in some of these photos, make sure an attractive member of the opposite sex is included. Get your friends to bring their friends, or family members to bring people they know. Take photos of the whole group standing around, laughing and having fun, with your arm draped over a girl (or a guy) that your ex definitely doesn't know.
THIS is when you get back on Facebook again. You don't change your status: in fact, you leave your status exactly as it was before: 'in a relationship'.
Now start posting photos of the things you've done. Don't write too much or go into any detail. Don't explain who these people are, or why they're there. Most of all, don't mention the good-looking guy (or girl) you have your arm around. Subtly is everything, and when it comes to creating indirect jealousy you certainly don't want to be obvious.
The next time your exgirlfriend or exboyfriend checks your Facebook page? They'll see these photos. Instantly they'll be jealous, and for lots of reasons. First, you're out laughing, smiling, and having the time of your life - in a nutshell, you don't seem to give a rat's ass about the breakup. Second, your ex will be jealous that you've gone somewhere he or she never took you, had a lot of fun, and that they weren't a part of that fun.
But more than anything? Your ex will be jealous of this new person... the one in the photo you have your arm draped around. Did you get a new boyfriend or girlfriend? Are you involved in a new relationship? Already?
All of these questions will drive your ex crazy as they draw all the wrong conclusions. Here you are, apparently happy, completely over the breakup, and hanging out with all new people. You might even be dating again (as your Facebook status would seem to indicate), and worst of all you're HAPPY!
This is not what your ex wants. It's not what your ex expects. And it's certainly not the way your ex boyfriend or girlfriend wanted the breakup to go down... you finding happiness (and possibly a new lover) before he or she even starts living their own single life.
Learn a lot more about this "Facebook Jiu-Jitsu" over at Making Up Made Easy.
The techniques learned there can help get fast, instant results... even from an ex boyfriend or girlfriend who's distant, unresponsive, and hasn't been paying any attention to you.
