Why Does My Ex Keep Text-Messaging and Emailing Me?

Breaking up used to be a lot simpler. You crossed someone's name off in your phone book, and you forgot about them as best you can.

Ex Texting After Breakup

Phone books are gone these days; replaced by smart phones and email lists. And with the advent of text-messaging, emailing, and Facebook? It's harder than ever to break ties with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend after the breakup.

If you've been dumped and still want your ex back, you've probably used one or more of these forms of communication to stay in touch. The thinking is obvious: the more connections you still have with this person, the easier it will be to get them back.

Unfortunately however, this is usually not the case. As discussed earlier, your ex won't truly miss you until you've taken yourself completely out of every aspect of their life. This also includes the electronic ties, like it or not.

But on the flip side of the coin... what does it mean when your ex is still emailing or text-messaging you? Why would they want to keep up this contact even after they broke up with you, and what exactly is it that they want?

Knowing what your ex's true intentions are can be hard to figure out. Does your boyfriend or girlfriend miss you? Do they want to get back together? Or are they texting or writing you to see what's up, to bury the hatchet, or even just to be friendly?

And Facebook! This one little website can cause major problems during your relationship, and the drama very often continues even after the two of you break up. An ex boyfriend or girlfriend can use Facebook to spy on or even stalk you; they know what you're doing, who you're talking with, and sometimes what you had for dinner last night. By the same token, you could easily use Facebook to see what your ex is up to... as long as he or she doesn't 'unfriend' you.

There's even a list of Facebook breakup rules that should be followed, after the relationship is over.

The point is that with all the electronic ties people have nowadays, it's almost impossible to completely disconnect. Which is why you need to pay very careful attention to what your ex says and does after the breakup - whether it be through emailing or texting you - because usually? It's not even remotely as innocent as your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend makes it out to be.

Keeping Up Contact After Your Relationship Has Ended

If your ex is still using email and text-message to 'speak' to you after the breakup, one thing's for certain: he or she isn't ready to let go. It doesn't matter if you haven't seen or talked to your ex, and it doesn't matter how innocent they make such contact out to be. The core truth here is that if your ex saw your breakup as a totally permanent thing? He or she wouldn't be contacting you at all.

Text-Messaging Your Ex

Post-breakup communication can take many forms. It can be as innocent as a "Hey, just wanted to see what's up!" to something as heavy as "I want you to know I still love you, even though we can't be together". In both those cases (and everything in between), your ex is trying to convey some sort of message to you. And usually, that message can be boiled down to this one simple thing: "Don't go anywhere or see anyone else right now, because I'm still toying with the idea of being with you".

Think about that for a minute. Your boyfriend or girlfriend already broke up with you. If he or she wanted you out of their life, they're already home free. They don't have to do anything at all - they can walk away and see other people, do other things, and never really have to look back.

But people do look back. There are memories, sorrow, and regret. There are lots of things people wished they would have done, or at least done differently. And there are existing emotional bonds and feelings, as well as words that got left unsaid.

Most important of all, there are insecurities. Because yes, if your ex is still trying to keep up communication after letting you go, it's because he or she isn't secure enough in their decision. They're hedging their bets; your boyfriend or girlfriend is taking out a little insurance policy against the breakup by keeping in contact, keeping you happy, and keeping up friendly appearances. Why? Just in case they ever decide they want you back.

What Does It Mean When My Ex Keeps Sending Me Text-Messages?

Now, does this mean your ex is ready to get back together just because he or she is texting you? Probably not. Remember, they broke up with you for a reason and that reason needs to be resolved before you can get back with your ex.

Many times, the reason has to do with you... or with your relationship. Your ex perceives problems within your romance or problems within your own behavior. He or she wants these problems resolved before any kind of progress can be made, whether they're right about them or not.

Ex Boyfriend Girlfriend Emails You

In other cases, your ex just wants to do his or her own thing. This probably includes seeing what else is out there for them, and dating other people. The relationship has gotten to the point where your boyfriend or girlfriend believes they can survive without it, so they cut you loose.

At the same time, your ex is still texting you. He or she is still emailing you, messaging you, or even writing on your Facebook wall. What's happening here is easy: your ex wants all the freedom of being single and not having to answer to you, but they also want to make sure you don't have those same freedoms. Ideally for them, your ex wants you hung up and chasing after them while they see what else is available. They do this by stringing you along with all kinds of lame and obscure texting and messaging.

Do you feel like your ex is sending you mixed signals? That's because he or she is. They're giving you just enough false hope and tentative contact to keep you thinking there's 'a chance'.... but not enough for you to make a move. Your ex boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't want you to move; they want you right where you are, doing absolutely nothing, until they decide whether to move forward into their next relationship or step back, pick you up, and dust you off again for a second try.

This is exactly the hellish limbo many people find themselves in after a break. This is where you pull the hair of your head trying to figure out why your ex keeps torturing you, bringing up the past, telling you he or she still loves you, yet still NOT committing to getting back together.

What You Can Do To Make Your Ex Stop Texting You

Getting your former boyfriend or girlfriend to stop all this post-breakup contact is a critical part of getting them to want you all over again. It seems scary and counterproductive to be telling your ex not to call you, but if you really want them to take you back in a serious relationship sort of way, it's exactly what you need to do.

Look at it this way: your exgirlfriend or exboyfriend is obviously starving for some sort of contact with you. But NOT answering that email and NOT responding to that text message you're essentially cutting them off. The more you feed them, the less they need you. But stop giving your ex what he or she wants, and suddenly, all that they'll want (and need) is YOU.

Reversing your breakup scenario is easier than you think, as long as you know the right techniques. That said, the methods used on men don't always work on women, which is why a gender-specific approach is always a good start.

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