Back With Ex Step 6: Knowing Exactly What to Say To Your Ex
It's one of the last steps necessary before getting back together: talking to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Unfortunately for most people, this is usually the first step they jump to... and this is why they fail miserably.
We've already discussed how to get your ex to miss you. By now you've learned which behaviors will drive your ex boyfriend or girlfriend away, and what traits will actually attract them back to you even when it seems like they're not paying you any attention at all.
You've also learned some of the right and wrong things to do immediately after the breakup, as well as the list of critical mistakes will ruin your chances of ever getting back together again.
So by now you're pretty educated. You've walked away calmly and coolly, demonstrating independence and control. You've been mature instead of childish. You've stayed away, rather than gone chasing after your ex.
Here's where all that hard work finally pays off, because now when you DO talk to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend? They're actually going to listen to you.
Before, your ex was quick to turn a deaf ear in your direction. He or she didn't care much for what you had to say, because they already knew why you were saying it (and what you were driving at). You were fighting the breakup and trying desperately to get them to reverse their decision, which in effect was telling them that they were wrong.
Now however, you've gotten to the point where your ex no longer thinks every word out of your mouth is about reconciliation. You've punched a hole in their life where you used to be, and by staying away, you've filled that hole with curiosity. The payoff is that your ex now wants to hear from you, whereas before he or she would roll their eyes whenever they saw your phone number.
Controlling and Maintaining Position While Talking to Your Ex
As nervous as you are to start speaking to your ex again, you need to swallow that apprehension and put forth the most confident you possible. In your heart, know that your ex has been thinking about you. Know that they've missed you. And most of all know that they want to hear from you at this point, and are willing to listen to you with an open mind.
Staying in control is the most important aspect of speaking to your ex after the breakup. You never want to put yourself in a position of weakness. This means no saying "I'm sorry", no apologizing, no telling your ex that they were right, and no sudden revelations that you somehow know 'things will be different'. You don't want the conversation to degenerate into something where you find yourself making excuses or explaining past behaviors, because that puts you right back at square one.
In fact, the best way to gain control is to speak to your ex as if they were actually trying to get back together with you, instead of the other way around.
When you see things this way, it helps you visualize a much stronger position. It allows you to relax, takes pressure off, and gives you the best shot at getting your ex to want you back.
And in many ways? An ex who's talking to you this far after the breakup is actually trying to get back with you. Maybe they're not yet ready to jump back into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but they're at least entertaining the idea somewhere in the back of their mind. Because if they weren't? They wouldn't even be speaking to you at ALL.
To get your ex back you need to stop seeing them as someone who only wants to talk to you in a platonic way. No matter what your ex says in this regard, this is never the case.
The facts are actually pretty simple: either they want you or they won't talk to you at all. There's really no middle ground, and there's certainly no fantasy-land of friendship from which your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend can suddenly cut off all of their past, present, and future underlying feelings for you, no matter what they say or suggest.
Keeping these things in mind, the following approaches should be used when speaking to / seeing your ex boyfriend or girlfriend:
Let Your Ex Know How Amazing Things Are For You
Your ex needs to see you successful. Your life should be awesome, and as far as your ex is concerned, everything should be going exceptionally well. Remember, you're trying to attract your boyfriend or girlfriend back into your life. If you portray everything as a big mess 'since they left' - even humorously - your ex won't be too excited about having to come back and sort that mess out. Even worse, they might think you're trying to make them feel guilty, which is a really bad move.
Smile, Laugh, Be Happy, and Stay Totally Positive
The more genuinely happy you are, the more your ex will buy into that happiness... and the more they'll want to be a part of it. Getting back together is kind of like selling yourself to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend all over again. In the beginning, they dated you because you were happy, outgoing, happening, and you made them feel good. Make your ex boyfriend or girlfriend feel good again, and they'll be lot more inclined to want you back.
Let Your Ex Know You Missed Them... But Not Too Much
At this point it's okay to let your ex know you've actually missed them. Don't go into too much detail here, and definitely don't give them a sob story. But do tell them they were a big part of your life, and that you definitely felt a measure of loss when they went away. This creates a sense of importance, without creating reliance.
It helps to mention a few things that you may have done while separated, and then tell your ex you're sorry he or she missed them. For example:
"A bunch of us went skydiving a few weeks ago, and it was incredible!
Oh man, I wish you were there... you would've LOVED it."
Mentioning something like this conveys a sense of loss (for your ex not being with you), but also a sense that you've been thinking about them even though they weren't there (and in a very sweet way). It has the added benefit of making your ex jealous that he or she missed out on something they could've done had they still been with you.
Make Sure Your Ex Knows How Socially Active You've Been
Socially, you want to hype yourself up to the point where you're almost a rock star. Because since the breakup, you've gone everywhere, done everything, and met all kinds of cool people with all the free time you've had. Right? Right.
Okay, maybe that's a bit extreme, but you get the picture. Your boyfriend or girlfriend has this image of you sitting at home sulking, mourning the relationship, and waiting around for their phone call.
By shattering that ideology with tales of what you've actually been doing, you're painting a vivid portrait of fun, activity, and action. Best of all this is action they could've been a part of had they not broken up with you in the first place.
Ultimately, you want your ex to realize one very important thing: that breaking up with you was a mistake.
In their mind, you need them to start thinking they should've never left. You need to plant the seeds of doubt. Your new life seems to be fun and exciting, and if your ex wants to be a part of that fun he or she will need to take you back.
Or even better? They'll need to get you to take them back.
The Reunion Date - Making a Casual Offer to Hang Out
Here's where you step forward and make your final move: an offer to hang out again. You need to do it casually, and make it sound like a fun thing that your ex boyfriend or girlfriend isn't likely to refuse.
Remember: it needs to be casual. Nothing heavy or romantic, like a fancy dinner or a long drawn out date. Lunch, coffee, maybe even an afternoon movie - something that has a finite beginning and an end. Something out in the open, where the two of you can catch up with each other, without having to sit face-to-face for several hours until you run out of things to say.
What To Do If Your Ex is Reluctant To See or Meet With You
In some cases, your ex might not be ready to hang out with you just yet. So if your ex still shys away from contact, or balks at the idea of going out and doing something together? You're going to need a slightly modified approach to get them interested in seeing you again.
Here's where Matt Huston comes in. The master of breakup reversal techniques, he's designed two of the most amazing guidebooks for getting back an ex boyfriend or girlfriend:
For Guys: The Exgirlfriend EX2 System
The EX2 System
- Find out why she left, what she wants, and what you can do to get her back. This instantly downloadable guide shows you exactly what steps are necessary to make your ex girlfriend want you again.Matt Huston's methods are sharp, effective, and designed to be put to immediate use. He recognizes the need to be proactive about your breakup, and teaches you exactly what you can start doing right now that will work toward getting your ex back.
For Girls: How To Get Him Back Forever
How To Get Him Back Forever
- Learn what goes on in a guy's mind when he dumps you. Find out why most guys aren't truly finished with you after breaking up, and what you can do to stop your breakup in its tracks.Ex-boyfriend Guru Matt Huston takes you by the hand and guides you step-by-step through your ex boyfriend's thought process. Learn why everything you're doing right now isn't working, as well as radical methods to make him immediately need you back.
