How To Get Back an Ex Girlfriend - Step by Step
So you're in a relationship, you love the girl, things are going great (or so you think) and then suddenly from out of nowhere she drops a giant bomb on you:
"I don't think this is working out..."
Do you really know how to get back an ex girlfriend at this point? Or are you just gonna pick up the phone, scoop up your car keys, and just try to "wing it" yourself?
Getting dumped is one of the worst feelings in the whole world, made even worse by the fact that someone else gets to have the girl you love. The rejection, the heartache - it puts many guys into a downward spiral of depression, and it can happen to you at any age. But what can you do? How can you get your girlfriend back if she doesn't want to see you anymore?
Just as you can learn how to swim, learn how to ski, and learn how to ride a motorcycle... you can learn how to get back an ex girlfriend. It's all a matter of knowing what to say, when to say it, and how to present yourself in a way that makes you attractive to her again. Emotionally, physically, and on every other level you must become a guy she once again wants to date, go out with, and be emotionally invested in.
Fighting To Keep Your Relationship - Why It's a Bad Move
When you talk to most people about reversing a break up, they'll tell you to fight to keep your relationship. In truth, this is probably one of the worst pieces of advice you could get. Fighting your ex's decision to end things is not only pointless, but it's actually going to damage your chances of ever dating her again. Nothing pisses off a girl more than telling her she's wrong, and here you are one last time... telling your girlfriend that you disagree with her decision.
"But if I don't fight the break up, won't my ex think I don't care?"
Yes! And that's exactly what you want at this point. Even though you want to continue seeing your girlfriend with all your heart, you need to recognize that such neediness is unattractive. Desperation has a stink to it, and your soon-to-be ex girlfriend will smell it all over you. Fighting to keep her is a romantic notion that doesn't ever work - at least not now, as the breakup is happening. Leaving with acceptance and dignity will give you a HUGE jumpstart on your quest to get back with your ex girlfriend, especially later on.
Respect: The Key To Your Ex Girlfriend Wanting You Back
First of all, begging your ex not to break up with you never works. And here's why:
Try to picture the beginning of your relationship for a minute. Remember how you got your girlfriend to like you? How strong and confident and funny you were? Remember all those things she admired about you?
All of these things translated into one important commodity: respect. Your girlfriend respected you for the person you were back then, and mostly because you respected yourself. This is very attractive to a girl, because women want men who love and can take care of themselves. Other important traits women will always find attractive can be found here.
Now take an honest look at yourself, and see if you can identify the same things. Maybe your confidence is gone, because being rejected has undermined it. Maybe your laughter is gone, because right not you're depressed. Maybe your strength is gone, because instead of walking away cleanly from the relationship you've been blowing up your exgirlfriend's phone with calls and desperate text-messages.
How can she love you if you act like this? How will your ex ever want you back if you're not anything like you were when she first fell in love with you? Only by maintaining a high level of respect for yourself can you be sure that your ex will respect you as well. And in learning how to get back an ex girlfriend, this is both a necessity and a requirement.
Getting Your Girlfriend Back - Less is More
Once you've walked away from the break up, your next step is easy: leave your now ex girlfriend completely, utterly, and totally alone. Not a single call, text, or email should be made, nor received by you, for the next several weeks. As your ex wonders why you're not chasing her (and if you might actually be chasing someone else...) her entire mindset will change. Her opinion of you as a person will change as well, because you're exhibiting strong, self-serving behavior instead of taking actions that are needy and desperate.
"But shouldn't I at least tell my ex how much I love and miss her?"
Not if you want your girlfriend back. Because the moment you let her know these things, she knows she's got you. Your ex will feel comfortable knowing that she can get you back at the drop of hat, giving her the confidence to continue the break up. This is where your ex will start dating again, seeing other guys, and play the field... all because she knows you're sitting on the bench waiting for her to give you a call.
"Can I send my ex a card? Leave a note on her car?"
Same deal. Pouring out your emotions right now serves no purpose... later on during the reconciliation process there will be time to tell your girlfriend these things. At worst, write all this stuff down if it really makes you feel better... but don't send it to her no matter what.
"Should I drop by my ex girlfriend's house to return her stuff?"
This is simply an excuse to see her. You know it. I know it. Everyone reading this webpage knows it. Worst of all, she'll know it. The moment you show up you won't just be able to leave her stuff at the curb... you'll want to talk to her, ask how she's been, who she's been hanging out with... and from there, you'll start begging and pleading for your relationship back. Just don't do it.
If your ex really wants her stuff, let her call you and leave a message. Gather up her things and drop them off at a time you know she won't be home, so you won't have to encounter her. This will also make your exgirlfriend feel like you're moving on without her, because obviously you could've used this opportunity as an excuse to see her but you didn't. That speaks volumes about your strength and confidence, and will help make it easier to get back your ex girlfriend later on.
Waiting Out The Break Up... And While You Do...
Make yourself into something your ex girlfriend wants back!
If you want her in your arms again, you're going to have to endure a long period of no contact with your ex girlfriend. In the meantime, you need to work on yourself. While you should never "change" for a girl, there are probably things you can do to improve the way you look, feel, and act.
Look at it like this: If you were single and had never even met this girl, you should be doing these things anyway. Don't just view it as doing these things to get your ex girlfriend back - instead, look at it as simple, everyday self-improvement.
"What can I do to make my ex want me again?"
Lots of things. Starting with the physical, you can join your local gym if you're not already a member. Sweating off a few pounds while sweating out your anxiety over the break up is not only healthy, but it will make you that much more attractive when you do encounter your exgirlfriend again. You can also suit up a whole new wardrobe. Buying new clothing can make you feel better about yourself by making you look good. If you're skinny, bulk up. If you're heavy, slim down. If you're pale, get a tan. You get the picture.
Emotionally, you should be making changes too. Start by thinking nothing but positive thoughts for a week - every time a negative thought enters your mind (including thoughts of the break up) - push it right out. Greet people happily and make a few new friends. Try to concentrate on always generating positive energy and seeing the good in all situations. After a few days of this, you'll find it addictive... and contagious. Because you're always happy, people will want to be around you more.
Get out, do new things, take up new hobbies and master old ones. There are a million things you can do other than sit at home and fixate over the break up. If you want to get back your ex girlfriend, you'll want her to see the best side of you. Bring it out, dust it off, and polish it up.
Making Contact With Your Ex Girlfriend Again
In order to get back together, you'll obviously need to reconnect with your ex. Where, when, and how you do that is actually one of the most crucial aspects of the whole reconciliation process.
If you do it too early, your ex will know. This will blow all of the effort you've put in as far as steering clear of contact.
You need to avoid jumping the gun here, because each day that goes by without you calling your ex is just one more chance for her to miss you... and if you do things properly? Chances are very good that your ex girlfriend will be the one who calls you.
Waiting too long however, poses its own problems. You don't want your ex to move on without you, which is why you need to get a feel of where she is... without coming out and asking.
If there are ways you can poke around undetected (i.e. friends, co-workers, etc...) that may be an option. But be careful, because there's nothing worse than your ex getting wind that you're indirectly trying to find out her situation.
How long should I wait before contacting my ex girlfriend?
Although there's no hard and fast rule, a generally accepted time frame is about four to six weeks. When you're trying to get back an ex girlfriend, this probably sounds like an eternity. But realistically speaking, this is a good chunk of time. Each of you will probably gain a new perspective on your previous relationship, and by the time you get back in touch with her, she won't suspect you have ulterior motives. Not big ones, anyway, because you haven't called or talked to her in over a month.
By waiting this long, you're also instilling your girlfriend with something else important to getting back together: curiosity. This is a critical element, because played correctly, you can use your ex's curiosity to set up a face-to-face meeting... leading to your next step: the reunion date.
Meeting Up With Your Ex Girlfriend After The Breakup
Getting your ex to meet you should be one of the final goals you have on the road to reversing your break up. Unfortunately, this is where most guys think they're home free... and begin running toward the finish line. The girl then balks, slams the relationship door shut in your face, and you're stuck back at square one... so when you finally do meet up with your exgirlfriend again? Make sure you don't blow it by not knowing what you're going to do and say.
If you've worked the no contact angle long enough, you've made your ex very curious. In learning how to get back an ex girlfriend, one of the major milestones is getting her to the point where a simple phone call just isn't enough: it's time to see each other.
When your ex agrees to meet you to catch up on things, make sure you pick an easy, comfortable location. Make it low key, and make it something that won't drag on for very long. Coffee or lunch is perfect, because once it ends, you can both go back to the rest of your day.
Upon meeting your ex for the first time after the break up, try to remember that she's nervous too. Stay calm and try to stay cool. Be funny. Make her comfortable. Laugh a lot, and talk about nothing in particular. Also try to keep your ex talking, because that will reveal less about you (making her more likely to need to see you for another date).
When the date ends, make sure she leaves wanting more of you. End it by apologizing and telling her you have to run somewhere important. Let your exgirlfriend know it was great to see her again, and to call you so you can meet up again soon.
For a more complete guide to this situation, including how to get your ex to meet you and which topics you should definitely avoid talking about, check out The Ex Back System.
Making The Transition Back To Boyfriend and Girlfriend
In the final stages of a reconciliation, you'll need to define the terms of your new relationship. As your ex starts digging you again, the two of you will establish a new romance. Don't confuse this with "making up", which is not what you want. To start with a clean slate, you need to consider your old relationship dead and gone. By wiping away the broken ruins of your failed romance, you can build a much newer and stronger one in it's place.
There are many steps along the way when figuring out how to get back an ex girlfriend, and it's easy to walk off the path and find yourself lost. If this happens, don't panic. There are several great relationship repair guides that can help you through this sort of thing. Having a plan is always better than trying to fly by the seat of your pants, and knowing what to do next can greatly increase the chance that you and your girlfriend will be back together again soon.
